sing me something soft, sad, and delicate

Dear Local Post Office:

If you leave a pink slip on my door telling me a package will be there after 1PM, and then tell my representative to come back after 4PM without even checking whether the package is in the back or not you rude bastards, my representative will not be very pleased with you. And they'll probably take out your incompetence on me. So please do me a favor and humor my representative, since it's probably in everyone's best interests that I myself am unable to visit you and give you a piece of my fist in your face mind. Oh, and handing them only one package when they come back at 4PM, when you and I both know I have two packages ready for pick up? Not cool.

We've been dancing to this same tune since 2003. Y'all already know I import a ton of stuff; if you're gonna charge me customs, just do it already so I can have my sweet sweet crack.

Sincerely,
Me.